Penfold Labs

Instructables Robots

2011-05-26T08:04:00.000-07:00

I made some chocolate truffles for the good folk at Instructables.com.

More images and full instructions can be found at http://www.instructables.com/id/Chocolate-Instructables-Robots/

Tethered Dolphin Recycling Squad

2011-05-26T08:02:00.000-07:00

Here's a demo of the physics engine for the hot upcoming iPhone game, Tethered Dolphin Recycling Squad (working title).

Wikisphere Project

2011-05-26T06:09:00.001-07:00

Here's a time lapse video of the construction of a large wooden Wikipedia globe. As the globe rotates, the top row of puzzle pieces extrude out from its centre and retract again with each revolution. Photos and videos of the finished globe to follow soon.

And here's a photo of the great Jimmy Wales himself taking a look at the work in progress:

A couple of rather tasteless medical songs

2011-05-26T05:20:00.000-07:00

From the medical students' comedy revue, both based on real experiences and characters from my time working in hospitals:

He's Depressed

An upbeat song for four parts: psychiatrist, pharmacist, patient and nurse (to the tune of Be Our Guest from Disney's Beauty and the Beast)

Psychiatrist, scrutinising patient intensely:
*clicks fingers in realisation*
He's depressed, he's depressed!
His serotonin's been suppressed!
TCAs, SSRIs and CBT are for the best.
He's had weeks of malaise,
But he hasn't slept in days.
He's fatigued and anhedonic,
While his lethargy is chronic.
He has no self-esteem,
It's like his life is one bad dream,
And his sexual function's well and truly messed!
He shoves his food aside,
And talks of suicide,
He's depressed!
He's depressed!
He's depressed!

Pharmacist:
We're not saying you're insane,
But you've got a broken brain;
We'll use psychotropic meds to make you sociable again.
You're alone and you're scared,
But the pharmacy's prepared.
Though the mechanism's uncertain,
We've got drugs to stop the hurtin'!
You might fit, you might sieze,
(Don't take phenelzine with cheese),
And trazodone can make your heart arrest,
But it'll be worthwhile,
Just to see you smile,
If you're depressed...

Doctor:
Might I suggest,
We do a thyroid function test?

Pharmacist:
You're depressed,
You're depressed,
You're depressed!

Patient:
Life is so unnerving,
When you know you're undeserving.
There's a hole within my soul that tortures me.
I can't recall the last time I felt useful,
Even nostalgia isn't what it used to be...
For ten months I've been moping,
Malingering more than coping,
Feeling self-reproach and endless waves of guilt.
I spent three weeks curled up beneath a duvet,
Empty bottles piled around me...
Then the paramedics found me!

Nurse:
You're depressed, you're depressed,
Well, I can't say I'm impressed.
On this ward,
You'll be ignored,
Until you leave just like the rest.
In a week you'll be free.
You can't say the same to me.
When you're rehabilitated,
I will still be as frustrated.
I'll be here, changing beds,
Picking maggots out of heads,
And wiping down the sexually obsessed.
Don't look for sympathy,
'Cause you'll get none from me,
If you're depressed
All:
You're depressed!
You're depressed!

I Will Debride (to the tune of I Will Survive)

The patient was awake, not anaesthetised,
I could see the look of panic growing in his eyes.
When I turned to get a knife,
He started begging for his life,
But in A&E on Friday night, there's no time to be nice.
And so I snapped,
And I saw red,
I called a porter and a nurse to come and tie him to the bed,
He had a gash across his chest,
I didn't want it leaving scars,
I didn't care about his rights,
I wouldn't let him self-discharge.
And he screamed, "No!
I'll tell the law!
I've changed my mind now,
I'm not consenting any more."
I put a gag into his mouth and
Some tape around his feet.
His wound must heal,
And I want it to be neat.

And that is why,
I will debride,
As long as there's a ragged wound,
Or any dirt inside.
I don't care if the patient,
Doesn't want the operation.
I'll debride,
I will debride.

I gave a mixture of adrenaline and lidocaine.
One was for the haemorrhage,
The other for the pain.
I asked for maximum exposure,
For this secondary closure
I made him strip,
Until I had him in the nip.
And there he lay,
Totally nude,
While I just stood there with the feeling I'd be getting sued,
But now I had the patient completely in my power,
So I stuck my scalpel in and I was finished in an hour.
And even though,
It had be sore,
His injury now,
Looks much better than before.
It will take a few more weeks,
For reunion to complete,
But it will heal,
And it's going to be neat.

And that is why,
I will debride,
As long as there's a ragged wound,
Or any dirt inside.
I don't care if the patient,
Doesn't want the operation.
I'll debride,
I will debride.

Muppet Self-Portrait

2011-05-04T18:15:00.000-07:00

A muppet clone of myself, created as part of a time travel murder mystery party to illustrate the advent of an alternative reality in which sponge-based humanoids have become the dominant lifeforms on Earth.

Made with a core of foam rubber, carved into shape and covered with thin fleece. Warm, fuzzy and most likely toxic.

Easter Egg 2011

2011-05-04T17:47:00.000-07:00

This Easter, I sculpted a slightly villainous chocolate chick:

This was just your standard plasticine-sculpture-silicone-coating-plaster-shell-multiple-layers-of-chocolate assembly job. Full instructions, of course, can be found at Instructables.com.

Ghost climber

2011-05-04T17:42:00.000-07:00

This is a laser-guided tracking device for recording and replaying a climbing route. It uses two potentiometers to feed positioning data into an Arduino, which then replays the recording via a pair of servo motors. Much more detail about its construction and operation can be found at the relevant Instructable.

Here's it in operation at The Reach climbing wall in Woolwich:

And here's a close-up demo:

Snow In London

2010-12-01T13:29:00.000-08:00

It snowed yesterday in South London. I made part of a snowman.

It took me a little less than six hours, using no tools except a small chair lent to me by a passerby.

Alien Chestburster Puppet

2010-11-10T18:13:00.000-08:00

Here's a test run of my latest bit of puppetry, made for Halloween 2010.

Gosh, it really turned out a lot more phallic than I'd intended. I don't think the shifty-looking overcoat helped much there, either.

I'm sure that the bit when it tries to bite me after I've been stroking it is a great metaphor for something.

Full DIY details here:
http://www.instructables.com/id/Alien-Chestburster-Puppet/ The puppet was sculpted in plasticine, then cast in latex from a plaster mould. Here are a few more photos of the process, with the finished costume (deep sea diver/alien victim) at the bottom.

How to fill a house party with interesting guests

2010-09-30T10:46:00.001-07:00

So here's an idea I've been tossing around for a while. Living in a town where you don't know many people? Always meeting the same crowd at parties? Hoping to widen your social circle? Or maybe you're just lonely and don't have (m)any friends?

Try throwing a party using the invitation format below (click for larger image). It'll be interesting to see who turns up.

Yes, there's the risk that you'll end up with your house being trashed first by strangers and then by the police, but imagine how many people you'd meet!

Sociologically, it would be an interesting experiment. How many of your friends do you think would actually hand out invitations to strangers? How many strangers would accept? What criteria would people use for guest selection? I like to think that my friends are good judges of character, so my party should be populated by people with whom I'd get on well. Maybe.

Well, we'll find out in a couple of weeks at 999 Letsby Avenue (address changed for internet weirdo reasons). Wish me luck.

A note on the invitation itself: Yes, it's ugly, crowded and contains sloppy typography. Thanks for not pointing that out.

Photographic Terms for the Intrepid Fellow

2010-06-19T17:40:00.001-07:00

Retro-anachronistic photographic visual puns abound!

Rather a large image here. Click for full size and watch out for concealed dinosaurs.

266 Words

2010-06-12T05:43:00.000-07:00

Here's a riff on Alfred Eisenstaedt's “V-J Day in Times Square”. Gotta love that photo.

Click for a larger and more legible image.

The Copenhagen Misinterpretation

2010-06-01T10:32:00.000-07:00

Quantum mechanics.

Half a cat was harmed in the making of this image.

And another shirt design

2010-05-20T12:41:00.001-07:00

The animal is, of course, a chin chiller.

Knight Hawks

2010-05-18T17:52:00.001-07:00

Another t-shirt

2010-05-13T17:02:00.001-07:00

They're made out of meat!

(With fond regards for Terry Bisson)

Simple and bold, this shirt is perfect for making friends with cannibals. It would also be ideal for coping with a desert island/mountainous plane crash survival* situation.

*Your friends' survival, obviously, not yours. Now that's altruism.

T-Shirt Ideas

2010-05-06T12:19:00.000-07:00

Here are a couple of shirt designs I've recently submitted to Threadless.com. Here's hoping everyone loves them and I make millions.

More importantly, maybe this will go some way to spread public awareness of hazardous umbrella misuse:

The next design has missed the parody bandwagon by so far that it might be considered retro. As if Ewoks weren't retro enough already.

Hallowe'en 2009

2009-11-01T17:56:00.001-08:00

Hallowe'en is always a good excuse to get out the maker gear. My costume this year was a partially-(self-)dissected* cadaver. What's the point in having access to a morgue if you can't abuse it now and then?**

Above is a low-res shot pilfered from Facebook; hopefully I'll be receiving some nice photos of the full get-up in the days to come. In the meantime, here's some old-fashioned facial anatomy:

The mask is moulded latex, painted with watercolours. Latex paints would have been longer-lasting, but I made do with what I had to hand. You know how it is with last-minute costumes. You might notice that some of the paint has worn away in these photos.

Yes, there's a lot of cartilage in that nose, but I had to fit my own sizeable nose inside it.

I also put together a papier-mâché cauldron, complete with protruding latex tentacles and an air pump to produce a continuous simmering effect for the party punch. Recognise the preserving jars in the background from last year?

And finally, what fun would Hallowe'en be without a pumpkin? The neuroanatomy here is interpreted a little loosely but the effect comes across nicely.

*How's that for an awkward use of brackets?

**I'm probably joking. You can't prove anything.

Scarecrow hands

2009-09-04T17:32:00.001-07:00

In 2005, I made a pair of terrifying mechanical bamboo hands/claws and used them as part of a scarecrow costume in a Slovenian juggling parade. I made children cry. Turns out it's hard to mime, "Don't worry, I want to be your friend," when your face is covered by a sack and you have two four-foot rake-like grabbing machines attached to your arms.

Above is a video of one slightly battered hand in motion.

On a vaguely related noted, here's another photo of me from Slovenia:

By somersaulting off a 4 metre high diving board on a unicycle I won 3 juggling clubs, 4 juggling balls, a DVD and a whole evening of free drinks from impressed bystanders. I hadn't the heart to tell them it was just a spectacular accident. In retrospect, I'm not sure how I wasn't hurt.

Water cannon and backpack

2009-09-04T17:17:00.000-07:00

A work in progress, currently at the functional prototype stage.

The top image shows a water pistol. It straps to the dorsal surface of the wearer's pronated forearm and is operated by flexing the fingers against the bar beneath the device's tip.

The pistol connects by a hose to the backpack, which holds 10 litres of water and has a crank at its side to maintain pressure. The backpack also features shoulder-mounted water jets and a chimney for venting gas. Expect updates on this contraption in the future.

Laptop cooler

2009-09-04T17:05:00.000-07:00

In 2008, my four-year-old laptop gradually gave up the ghost. A number of things went wrong with it and a corresponding (actually slightly smaller) number of its parts had to be replaced.

One of its problems was overheating. The logical solution was to build a cooling system for it.

I didn't want to block the airflow to the computer's already overloaded fans, so I made series of customised aluminium and copper water tanks to fit underneath the laptop while leaving its fans unobstructed.This is actually a smaller, healthier laptop being used as a demo model. Water is pumped up the pipe on the right and allowed to trickle over a series of aluminium cones on the left before recirculating underneath the computer.

The cooling system was eminently practical and portable to suit my hectic urban lifestyle.

Pork and chicken pie

2009-09-04T16:58:00.000-07:00

Not much to say on this one. The most time-consuming part was collecting bones from butchers and boiling them for hours to make stock that would set into jelly. The rest really took care of itself.

It measured about 20cm across.

Robot head

2009-09-04T16:50:00.000-07:00

Electronics aside, this chirpy chap was made almost entirely from scrap material I had lying around from other projects. Notice the tongue depressor bearings and ping pong ball eyes.

He's controlled by a BASIC stamp and a load of servo motors. At the moment he's in a state of disrepair, but when he's feeling better his eyes light up and he'll pull faces without my hand inside the back of his skull.

Cactus man

2009-09-04T16:36:00.001-07:00

The theme of the party was Wild West. I would never have passed as a convincing cowboy, so went for the next best thing. No, I'm not a lizard. I'm a cactus.

Sometimes I just blended into the background seamlessly.

To make the mask, I first made a positive plaster cast of my own face using an alginate negative. Well, I say that I did that. Actually I just lay still and tried not to inhale alginate while my beautiful and talented girlfriend did the actual modelling work.

I then built on that with modelling clay, made a new negative and sandwiched latex between that and the original positive. It was stuck to my face with spirit gum and painted with two tones of green make-up.

My ears produced green wax for a week afterwards.

Snow in early 2009

2009-09-04T16:24:00.000-07:00

Existential crises hit snowmen hard, but not for very long.

This snow shark became embedded in the ground before we could photograph its face.

Failing light made for a grainy image of our getwaway in this hastily assembled sled.

Mr Hyde mask

2009-09-04T16:11:00.000-07:00

Sculpted in modelling clay, then cast in plaster for latex moulding. Painted with water-based paint. Attached to the back of my head for a quick transformation at parties.

Fan-powered barbecue

2009-09-04T16:01:00.000-07:00

One of the most common mistakes of a novice barbecue chef is to make the coals as hot as possible to cook the meat more quickly. This inevitably just chars it on the outside, leaving it raw on the inside. Great for bacteria, mediocre for humans.

That being said, sometimes you just want a great big barbecue that billows gouts of flame from its sides and can blacken a rack of lamb in half a second.

Assorted Hallowe'en jars

2009-09-04T15:52:00.000-07:00

Delicious things from my other lab. Sculpted from plasticine, latex, paint and bits of corpse. Floating in tea.

Hot air balloon

2009-09-04T15:44:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while it's good to find a use for all the old plastic bags that aren't quite worth recycling properly. The astute observer will notice that the balloon is in fact on fire. The gentleman holding onto the balloon above was not an astute observer, but eventually caught on nonetheless.

An emergency landing of sorts was made.

Ground control carefully considered what could be learnt from this experience. Cardboard is perhaps not the best material for a basket of flame.

Rocketeer helmet

2009-09-04T15:31:00.000-07:00

Based on the 1991 Disney film about the world's third-favourite self-propelled airborne Nazi-fighter.

Made from papier mâché, garden wire, mains electrical flex, cardboard, a cider bottle and paint.

Fits my head comfortably, but slightly large for a normal human.

Power On Self Test

2009-09-04T15:24:00.000-07:00

This blog will be an online reminder of things that I have made. Or started to make. Or want to make.

I suppose it will be a catalogue of my workshop, with some details and hopefully some pictures. More info later. So, in no particular order, I will start adding past projects.